


Now and Forever

by eledhwenlin



Category: Panic At The Disco
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-07-12
Updated: 2011-07-12
Packaged: 2017-10-21 07:58:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/222820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eledhwenlin/pseuds/eledhwenlin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Brendon never thought they'd get to the point where this thing between them means so much that they’d want to make it permanent.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Now and Forever

**Author's Note:**

> a heartfelt thank you goes to sansets for the beta. This is pretty schmoopy. Consider yourselves warned. ;)

Brendon likes sex. He likes blow jobs, both getting and receiving. He can get lost in that head space of working his mouth and hand simultaneously, tasting come on his tongue. The sensation of having a hot mouth wrapped around his cock will never not be amazing. He likes to be fingered, which is something most guys will do automatically once they've confirmed that Brendon's bottoming. Brendon pretty much loves bottoming, the stretch and burn that fades into a mix of pleasure and pain. He likes topping, too. Brendon pretty much loves every kind of sex.

Love, however, is way more difficult than sex and Brendon falls in and out of love with love. There's the initial phase when he falls in love and is pining and wondering whether the other person likes him, too, which sucks. Then there's the phase when the other person does like him back or at least wants his body enough to want to have sex with him, and in the beginning that's okay. Then comes the moment when Brendon has to realise that the person does not actually love him or Brendon panics because they do or shit happens and then he's heart-broken and vows never to fall in love in again. And then it starts all over again.

That all just makes him so suspicious of this thing he has going on with Spencer. They have sex; that is awesome. They also do all the other coupley things: they cuddle, share a secret mind-link that can drive other people crazy when Brendon starts giggling at some in-joke that's never even been verbalised, they share their life and a house and a dog; surprisingly and weirdly that is amazing, too. Spencer makes Brendon coffee, wakes him up with breakfast on a tray and then they have slow early morning sex. Being with Spencer is easy and awesome and not difficult at all.

So Brendon spends all his time waiting for the other shoe to drop. It can't end well, because this is Brendon and this is Brendon's life. In his experience things only go well for a limited amount of time before the shit hits the fan: Brendon sooner or later always says or does something stupid and then his band breaks up, his parents kick him out and his relationships blow up in spectacular ways. The problem is that Brendon's never quite sure what exactly he does or says that makes people mad at him. He thinks that if he knew, he could change. But he doesn't know and ultimately he's still the dorky kid that only understands music. So Brendon's waiting for Spencer to become fed up with his antics and stupid jokes and the way Brendon still hasn't understood what personal space means.

In between he supposes that Spencer deserves every medal on the whole planet just for the sheer amount of patience he brings up for Brendon. Brendon would totally already have freaked out completely if he was Spencer. Secretly he thinks that he loves Spencer so much because Spencer's not the type for that. Spencer's calm and relaxed and he always has a plan. It's very comforting to Brendon who often starts running without any idea of a goal or even a way. Spencer's always there to guide him back somewhere safe.

It bothers him sometimes how Spencer has to have this plan and an idea how to go on. It drives Brendon nuts when all he wants to do is explore this little snippet and Spencer asks him to write it down and is he really sure he wants the synth in the chorus? Brendon wakes up and then he's ready to rumble. Spencer needs two cups of coffee to answer in anything other than grumpy monotones. He hates the way Spencer turns bitchy when he's stressed and doesn't want to talk. And his fucking shoe collection. Nobody needs to take that many pairs of shoes on tour. Spencer packs his clothes meticulously, and he's always bitching Brendon out because Brendon belongs of the school of thought that as long as he packs clothes, he's good to go. Clothes don't stay well-pressed on tour anyway, and Spencer maybe has a thing for ironing, but Brendon's lived on his own for long enough to prioritise ironing way lower than, say, getting some actual food.

And Brendon likes him still. He is, okay, he's in love even. and he knows Spencer's in love with Brendon, from the way Spencer looks at him and the way Spencer smiles when he thinks no one's looking.

So this, it's not unexpected per se. It's just that Brendon never thought they'd get to the point where this thing between them means so much that they’d want to make it permanent. He's scared because he wants to, so much, but he's afraid what if everything goes haywire just afterwards? What if they make it a year or two and then Spencer realises that he never really wanted to marry Brendon in the first place? And it complicates things. Marriage means telling people because no way could they pull off a small and secluded wedding if Pete Wentz is on the guest list. And Pete needs to be there, as the catalyst who finally got Brendon and Spencer together, he's a guest of honour. The fans would go insane and there are all kinds of repercussions, people damning them, Brendon's parents breaking with him forever and ever, sales dropping, the list goes on forever. And still. And still Brendon wants.

He's swallowing past the tight block in his throat and reaches for the ring with shaking hands. Spencer's still on his knee in front of him, watching him carefully, but he doesn't seem deterred by the way Brendon is momentarily speechless and shaking. Brendon reaches and Spencer takes his right hand, slips the ring on, and it fits. It fits and feels warm from where Spencer had been holding it and it looks perfect. Brendon can't look away from the ring, the way it looks on his finger, the way his fingers look entwined with Spencer's.

Spencer's gently pulling Brendon down and Brendon falls down on his knees, reaches for Spencer and hugs him. Brendon can feel Spencer's heartbeat in the vein at his throat, rapidly beating, and Spencer's hands are cold and sweaty and Spencer's hands are always dry and warm and this means something. Brendon just needs to get his thoughts under control, so he can figure it out. He squeezes tight, needs to hold on to something, and Spencer's there and solid and body heat is seeping through his clothes where he's pressed against Brendon.

Brendon pushes his nose into Spencer's hair, breathes deeply, inhaling the smell of Spencer's shampoo and his body wash, and he whispers _yes_. Spencer's arms around him tighten and suddenly Brendon's not so scared of the future anymore. It will be all right. Their fans will adjust. Those who hate gays won't buy their records, but he wouldn't want them to, anyway. Brendon's parents have already come to terms with Spencer being his boyfriend and they like Spencer (the funny thing is back in the day they already liked Spencer; Spencer was always allowed to come over, while Ryan usually wasn't) and they will have to deal. Brendon has already proven he can live without them if he needs to (not that it was a particular fun time that he wants to repeat, but he's not gonna waste away from missing them), so it's their call.

Brendon says _yes_ again, directly into Spencer's ear, and he grins when Spencer presses a kiss against his hair. They will be all right, no matter what.  



End file.
